just had a random moment with God... which, now that I think about it, random and God probably never belong in the same sentence.

but anyway, today i saw a post on facebook from a woman i went to nursing school with. she asked "will the anxiety about going to work ever go away?". I replied with "mine hasn't yet" and the corresponding sad smiley face. Because even with my new job, i still feel anxious about my job, i still question if it's right for me, i still question a slew of things about it all.

so i was sitting here staring at the football on TV, looking right at it but looking right through it at the same time. thoughts, doubts... swirling around in my head, tomorrow night approaching with the accompanying angst following right after. and then God, in all His mercy, interrupted me and I realized something. He has me here. Like, RIGHT here. For a reason. For some reason, this is the place for me because He wants it to be. And that just has to be enough. It IS enough.

That was all I needed to feel hope again. I feel strong enough to do this job. I feel like He will get me through. I feel like I'm going to learn, and it will be okay. Whatever it is, it will be okay.

I love when He interrupts me. What He has to say is always waaaay better.

liberated

wow.

i didn't anticipate it feeling THIS good. i mean, i knew i suffered from workplace dissatisfaction, but i didn't realize it would feel so amazing to be freed from it. i lost count of how many people were encouraging me, telling me it was good for me to leave, saying they were jealous and begging me to take them with me. i had numerous phone numbers shoved into my pocket (and not in a very cool, i'm a pimp gettin digits way), but in a desperate, call if there are any openings way. it was bittersweet because it validated my decision to depart, but i also felt sad that things are so unpleasant that literally EVERYONE would love to the leave if they were able.

i'm thankful God made me able to leave. i'm thankful for the hope of something better.

k once again i had allllll these things i wanted to say, but my lack of sleep + the celebratory beer i'm enjoying are making it really difficult to think.

:D

WE HAD SUCH A GOOD VACATION.

Of course you can't really go wrong with family, excellent weather, ocean, sand, sports, and a few "alone time" nights in a hotel with your spouse. But man, we had a great vacation.

Although we enjoyed 6 days of all the above and more, those are not the only reasons it was so great. Freddie and I finally got to connect again. And whaddya know?! It appears that being in the same place at the same time for an extended length of time is good for a marriage. We laughed, ate, drank, explored, and dreamed together for hours and hours. The last 6 months or so have been pretty trying for us with the schedule changes, Freddie's difficult school program, me hating my job, and family moving out of state. We've had minimal time to be together, which sucks balls! (and not in a good way). I think it's safe to say we both feel rejuvenated and as ready as can be for the next round: second semester of nursing school and me starting a brand new job.

Sorry everyone, this blog is soo not creative or eloquent because I'm really getting sleepy (one of those nights I'm flipping back to a night schedule). I had a few things I wanted to say while I was doing the dishes just a bit ago, but now that I've sat down my brain is slowing to a speed that's not efficient enough for assembling eloquent expression. (Although didn't I just use some writing technique when you have a series of words that all start with the same sound?). Hm... can't think of the name... must be at a higher brain speed than the one I'm operating on at the moment.

Anywho! Good night all.